Friendship problem: Y U EXPECT ME TO REMEMBER YOUR BIRTHDAY?

Seriously! What is with people and their birthdays? Okay, I get it! Birthday is like THE DAY of the entire year, the day that you can be the boss, the day you can do whatever you want and people will listen to you and maybe THE ONLY DAY that people care about you or write on ur damn facebook wall and realize you FKING EXISTS!

Sorry, I know birthdays are super important and meaningful for most people and it does to me too! Its the day my mum went through shit loads of pain to bring me into this world, and that's why i love my mum and I let her scream at me without saying a single word back. But other than that birthday isn;t that much of a deal for me anymore, cause its just a yearly alarm telling me "OI FATASS, YOU ARE ONE YEAR OLDER AND U R STILL UNSUCCESSFUL" ...

For those people who have an awesome life, with a super protective family, GPA 3.9, a perfect body and love life...basically, a person that lives in a fking GREENHOUSE, birthday is like the day that they can be THE ONE AND ONLY PRINCESS, like the PRINCESS of the PRINCESS, as if they are the only thing that matters in the entire damn world. And us peasant will have to bow and give them gifts, write on their facebook wall and preferably pay for their party n give them a surprise. To be honest there are many people out there that acts like this and tbh, i dun give a damn. I dun mind u acting like that, as long as i dun have to give a lot of effort doing all this...the MAX i can do is type a line on ur wall or maybe just show my face at dinner or sth. But there is ONE condition...

TELL ME WHEN IS UR FUCKING BIRTHDAY!

Really, who da fuck in the world nowadays still remembers people's birthday, well i dun! There are only 2 people's birthday (excluding myself) i rmb... MY PARENTS!! I don't even remember my closest friend's birthday so i SERIOUSLY HATE it when people goes i-wun-tlk-to-u-coz-u-missed-my-birthday! Fuckin's greenhouse princess...if u want people to remember ur damn fking birthday and get all the attention, PUT IT ON DAMN FACEBOOK! If for whatever gay and fake reason u've decided to PRIVATE that damn date... then dun expect ANY FKING ONE to remember it! OKAY? There is a fking price to pay for attention...what are you?! huh?! unless you are the god damn queen and ur birthday gives me a fking holiday, then SORRY, i will NEVER-EVER remember ur fking birthday.

I am sorry for not being a "good" friend remembering ur birthday. I sometimes really hate myself for keep changing friends group and getting into fights with people. Obviously, I have a problem...which is mega bitchy and needy. Yeah I got that...that is why when I get into fights with people, I always question myself, "should i go and talk to them", "should i say sorry?". Normally, i would go do that if i give a damn about that person, but sometimes, I dun. Those are the times when I wonder if this is the time where I can escape from a particular relationship that I m super tired of. Some people are just really hard to deal with. A friend asked me "why do you wanna work for ur friendship, it should come naturally"....it really struck me. Then I thought back...which are the friendships that I did not needa work for.....those are the ppl that understands me, that knows me, not "haha i noe u are crazy"...but they actually know how to deal with me when i m pissed / sad and always there next to me and I dun feel the guilt of taking those love cause they wun come back to me and say "i did a,b,c,d,e,f,g for u now its ur turn to pay back".

I can be honest with you and say.... i might be one of those WORST friend you can ever get, but at least I know and I accept it and most importantly i m REAL. Someone once said to me, "I love hanging with u, i dun needa think around u cause you are so real and there are no traps around u". Isn't that what friends are? I've been back stabbed, bitched and bullied in high school, i used to try super hard to regain friendships. But I think my friends r right, I needa stop working for friendships. But then, what if I was the one that did something rong, I should at least go say sorry right? To be honest, I dunno what to do. I guess am just tired and afraid. I've already tried communicating and crying, can even see backstabbing and a mega bitch fight coming and I am still here being sad and pissy. What is rong with me....Somehow I think I should learn how to let go and forget, i guess.....