Wish I could be determined enough to stand up for my dream

Human always have this tendency of ignoring what you have then staring and wanting what you do not have. In chinese, we have a saying called "rice next door always smells better". It's just like when you are a kid, you would do anything to make yourself grow up faster so u can start going into clubs, doing whatever you want without your parents nagging you. But when you've finally grown, you start to miss those days when you don't have to plan out your own stupid timetable, think about what to wear and worry that one day you will just look old and saggy, sitting in an empty house with cats around you.

This is exactly what I am going through at the moment. When I was in high school, I spent it all on imagining what it will be like to be in Uni, and now I'm in Uni, I spent the 3 years remembering those good old days in high school. Although I would die to relive my high school years, but I was also looking forward to this one special day - university graduation. Wearing that black fancy gown, walking around the school and proudly take photos with friends and family, the day I've been waiting for since the first semester in university and I just can't wait for it to come. But everything I want it to come faster, I seem to ignore all those things i need to sort out before that glamorous day- all the final exams and papers I need to get done, all the decisions I need to make for my future, basically all the pain in the ass shit.

There's only 27 days left for me in university (hopefully), and I realize I've sorted out ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Not only I have not done ANY revision, typed anything for my seminar and most importantly I have not sent out ONE application for jobs / postgraduate studies.

So Doomed 

Well I guess I can finish all the revision and essay in 2 weeks, but what about those that will determine my future? Should I work? Should I continue on studying? Most importantly WHAT job / course I want to study. I swear, up till this second my answer is still a big fucking fat I DON'T KNOW. I tried to figure that out for a long time, well maybe since I was in year 12, but i still do not have an answer. You might wonder why did I choose my current major? lol, cause my dad said it sounds cool. And why did I choose that masters program I am busily applying for? Oh, cause my dad said it would lead to a good career. Yes, I have to admit, its a no brainer that I am NOT going to succeed in any way cause its not even my passion, or something that I like, but as a freaking asian, what ur parents say is like the LAW, there is not way that you can do anything without their approval. Unless your parents tell you to be a lawyer and u said you wanna be a doctor. But since I have nothing to reject their proposal with and I have got the shittiest grades in the world, I just need to go with the flow.

To be honest, I do have things that I kinda like and would want to give it a shot at and since my parents kept telling me that "oh you can do whatever you want, we will support you. we are not stubborn at all", i was naive enough to tell them. I am a super crazy and outgoing person, love socializing and just basically interact with people, I had a dream of becoming a DJ when i was a kid or a PR, a manager for artists etc. I  also spent most of my live watching different TV shows, dramas and following celebrities, therefore I thought about doing communication, journalism or a super cool course i ran into called "TV and Radio script writing". Like a 5 years old kid going up to their parents asking for a toy, i went up to my parents suggesting doing these courses, thinking that they would actually consider it seriously and give a good thought. But within split seconds my mum was like "can u be serious about your future and do something productive, these are just useless crap!". That was the moment i realize, it really doesn't matter what I like, it is the matter of fact if they approve it or if they think it is something they can tell all their friends and family with pride. I guess if i want it bad enough and determined about it, of course i can turn things around, but its my fault that I am a sad little puppy that is too frightened to tell them and to stand up for myself.

Well, I am just saying all these to moan about my life. Yes, I'm a fking coward that is destined to fail since I am not willing to stand up and do something about it. But i guess, this is indeed a safer path to take and I guess i just have to brighten my life up by going to korea more often.

Heading back to revision as I've had enough time moaning about my life and being "unproductive",